- Alan Petrillo The thing about it is that we were more misogynous in the 1960's than we are today. But pointing that out is politically incorrect.
- Robert Luis Rabello I think we've made progress, but we're still a long way from ideal in the way that our society esteems women. Sex still sells. Beauty remains the primary virtue by which women are judged. I watch men whom we'd consider decent reflexively dismiss any remark uttered by a female as if it's not worthy of consideration. I observe the way my beloved gets treated, the manner in which she's ignored, overruled and rendered irrelevant, and it saddens me that others can't (or won't) see what I find so valuable in her.
Having written that, I earnestly believe there is nothing wrong with appreciating beauty. It's really a matter of degree. How much emphasis do we put on a woman's appearance, rather than valuing her intellect? Why does it have to be one standard against the other? And, just because she may be attractive and witty (like Ann Coulter) does not mean she's a good woman. So, by what standard should a woman be judged?
I like the "quality of character" idea, and you know that it's a theme pervading the stories I compose. But it takes TIME to evaluate anyone on their character, and with collective attention spans rivaling those of gnats and fruit flies, our society prefers to judge a person's worth -- especially a WOMAN'S worth -- on the basis of how closely she conforms to the cultural ideal of beauty.
That objectification lies at the root of misogyny. Combined with fear of a woman's libido (particularly among religious people) and the cultural imperative to dominate, control and "own" things, the natural fruit of that tendency results in the objectifying that feminists so detest. If she is valuable because of her body and face, then we don't have to respect her mind, do we? She'll never be "wise enough" to do anything important, like classify stars, champion the abolition of slavery, defend children against exploitation, advocate for the poor, or compose literature that challenges our perspective. That means we don't encourage her to develop her intellect, actively frown on her if she's "too smart" and teach her from a very young age that being beautiful is all that matters. Further, if she is valuable only because she is a means to a pleasureable end, then rape culture is "normal" and even (gasp!) acceptable..
Changing this HAS to come from us men. We have to re-evaluate our attitudes and the subtle ways in which we discriminate, demean, devalue and dismiss women in our society. This has to happen because we're still the ones who weild most of the power in our world, and we have to start calling on one another to act like men who view women as strong and equal allies, rather than chattle. - Alan Petrillo Part of what gets me in trouble is that I also object to misandry. Objecting to misogyny is politically correct, but objecting to misandry is not politically correct.
- Jay Ashworth And Robert's opinion is perilously close thereto...
- Robert Luis Rabello Perilously close? Nah! I just don't feel threatened by empowered women. ;)
- Alan Petrillo I also object to the term "rape culture". I object to it because it simultaneously victimizes all women and misandrizes all men. It is yet another example of an idea that prejudges people based on what they are rather than who they are.
- Alan Petrillo Robert, I'm with you. I am not threatened by empowered women. I grew up around empowered women. My mother is an empowered woman. My sweetheart is an empowered woman.
- Robert Luis Rabello Having written what I've written, I DO understand your objection to generalizing whole categories of people. I see real double standards within my profession, for example, where female teachers touch students with impunity, but male teachers are expressly forbidden to do so. The belief is that any male teacher who touches a student is doing so inappropriately, simply by virtue of his gender.
At one of Valerian's volleyball games, I saw a female teacher put her hands on a male student's chest. Why is that okay? If a male teacher were to do that to a female student, there'd be a huge outcry. From a purely statistical point of view, female teachers are just as likely to engage in inappropriate sexual contact with their students, yet male teachers are held to a far more strict standard in this regard. If it's not okay for men to touch their students, it ought not be okay for women, either. But that's not the case.
A similar dynamic occurs in my current workplace. A few of the women with whom I work will pat my back or rub my shoulder as they walk by. I don't complain about this because I understand it's platonic, but if I did, the HR people would presume that because I'm a male, I have "power," and therefore, the touch of a woman isn't threatening. It doesn't matter that I've been married for 25 years and the ONLY woman I touch is my wife. But, for a male co-worker to do the same to a female colleague, the HR department would come down on him in a hurry.
Why is that? It's because there's a presumption that men are ALWAYS aggressors, inappropriate and unable to exhibit control. You hear the same thing from the Conservative Wingnuts who claim that young men simply can't constrain their libidos, and therefore, any girl who dresses "inappropriately" is "asking for it." What nonsense! - Alan Petrillo Indeed, it's the double standards that irk me the most.
- Robert Luis Rabello @Alan: My experience with double-standards and hypocrisy is deep and vast . . . :(
- Alan Petrillo Well, David Gerrold shared this note, and it seems I have attracted some hate mail.
- Robert Luis Rabello @Alan: Interesting . . . I've only met you once, but the remarks I read on David's page reflect complete ignorance of the way you think.
I get defensive, to the point of getting downright upset, when people accuse me of sexism and bigotry, and I’ll tell you why.
My
political awakening came pretty early. My first political
demonstration was in Tallahassee on the occasion of the second time the
ratification of the Equal Rights Amendment went before the Florida
Legislature.
I was attending The Children’s Place School at the
time, which was a private school owned and run by professors at St.
Petersburg Junior College, and a few of their fellows, one of whom was
my Mom. The teachers took as many of the kids as they could get
permission for on a field trip to Tallahassee. After an explanation of
exactly what was going on and why, I wanted to go with them.
My
memories of the trip are fragmentary. A long drive in my teacher’s VW
camper with her children and a couple of other kids in the back. A
caravan of cars belonging to other teachers. People everywhere waving
signs and shouting slogans. Another long, hot, sticky drive back.
To this day it floors me that ERA did not get ratified. It just seems like such a no-brainer.
That
was in 1975. For those of you doing the math, I was ten years of age.
I was 7 months shy of my eleventh birthday. I have, at the point of
writing this note, supported equal rights for 4/5 of my life. I have
supported equal rights since I first became aware of the issue. Not
just equal rights for women, but equal rights for everyone, regardless
of gender, race, national origin, sexual preference, religion, age, or
any other factor related to what they are rather than who they are. To
echo the words of Dr. King, I want my children to be judged not by the
color of their skin, or their gender, but by the content of their
character. It is a position I have held virtually all my life.
The
bottom line to all of this is that when people throw verbal grenades at
me, like "sexist" and "bigot", I will get upset, because if you were
born more recently than April 10th, 1975 then I've been supporting equal
rights longer than you've been alive.
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